Never let you go
by ThornfieldHall
Summary: Shouldn't loving someone mean you wanted the best for them even if that didn't mean you? If not, Jocelyn Frey had been wrong all along. Should she let this moment pass to right these past wrongs? She decided not to. She ran for the life of her.


If there were ever a more confusing moment in her life, Jocelyn Frey didn't remember. Her world went crashing down the second she fell asleep.

Her rebellious albeit loving daughter and her best friend had disappeared. Just like the peaceful magic free world she had been living in was shattered.

She still didn't know what to do with her angry daughter who wanted to be a shadowhunter nor what to do now that her best friend had proclaimed his love for her.

Although she'd been in love with him for quite some time, she felt like she had to turn him down just like when he proposed to her. He deserved more than she had to offer him. After everything he'd done for her she simply couldn't take his heart as well.  
He deserved a sweet woman without such a horrible past.

Just as she turned around to go back to her room so she could process everything, her eyes fell onto her daughter.

'Clary! I didn't know you were here.'  
 _How much did you hear?  
_ 'If you don't go after Luke, I'll personally kill you.'

 _That much, huh._ Something about the look on Clary's face was positively murderous. She couldn't argue. With Clary's approval her last defences crumbled.

She faced the open door. Wobbling on her high heels. Only now she regretted wearing her constraining mundane clothes. Desperation snuck up on her. How was she ever supposed to catch him in jeans and high heels? He would be at the council long before her. Maybe, maybe this was a sign she should let him become a chairman. He could effectively change something in this outdated world.

 _I shouldn't even give him a chance to opt out. Shouldn't loving someone mean you wanted the best for them even if that didn't mean you?_

If not she had been wrong all along. Should she let this moment pass to right these past wrongs? She decided not to. She ran for the life of her.

Her legs were burning by the end of the street. She felt the clock ticking as she looked around trying to remember her childhood streets. She picked one in a leap of faith.

Her lungs burned. She had been terribly out of shape when she came out of the hospital and if it hadn't been for her connection with Luke during the fight, she probably wouldn't have lasted the night. Though she felt the mark burning on her skin even now, she was still sore from overdoing herself.

She reached the square, slowing dow. Her bright green eyes went over all the heads in hopes of catching a mop of wavy brown hear streaked with grey.

People were looking at her. She noticed, frustrated by their ancient aristocratic disdain most shadowhunters wore so well.

She wondered if they would still look at her like that if they knew the husband of this floral blouse wearing woman could've killed them all.

She then caught sight of him. Waisting no time she started pushing disgruntled shadowhunters around while screaming his name.

He was already ascending the steps. It was useless. He would never hear her. Not with her voice hoarse from running.  
She leant on her knees, resigned, when finally her eyes landed on the mark.

An inexplicable feeling took hold of her, giving her the power to get up and scream on the top of her lungs.

'Lucian Greymark! You stay put, understood?!'

This time, he heard. His shoulders tensed but he didn't move.

Adrenaline kicked in and gave her the energy to remove the last five hundred meters.

'Not done humiliating my feelings yet?'  
'You know I would never hurt your feelings intentionally.'  
'Ask your question quickly. I'm expected elsewhere', he hissed angrily though there were mountains of hidden hurt underneath.  
'When you proposed to me, it wasn't just to help me and Clary out, was it?'  
'No, I genuinely love Clary as though she were my own and I really wanted you. Stupid idea.'  
'Oh by the angel.'

She bit her lip, fully knowing she had to vocalise her thoughts if she wanted him to understand her.

' I've lain awake for weeks. Hating myself for refusing it. But I thought I had to. I thought it was only another way for you to help Clary and me and I didn't want you to throw your whole life away because of me. But god, I wanted you to. I wanted you for years. Ever since that first time I saw you playing in the kiddie pool I was lost.'

'What?' He sounded like he was choking. His shoulders slouched again.  
'I knew I should've said something but I didn't want to claim you completely, not when you were already sacrificing so much.'  
'You silly woman. How could you not see? I was lost from the moment I met you. Those few months without you were unbearable, like the sun had set forever. I would happily throw away every ounce of freedom I ever had if it meant being able to be with you.'

She wasted no more time pressing her lips to his.

It was a breathy clumsy mess of a kiss but it made both their stomachs flutter like never before.

His fingers caressed her hair gently, while his other hand started stroking her back almost reverently.  
Guilt flooded her. _How could I have tormented him for so long?_

'Let's get out of here.'

'But, the clave. No you should-'  
'As I said, I'd throw away everything to be with you. Let them find someone else.'

His fingers tightened their hold.

'We've wasted far too much time. Either I'll have you right here, right now amidst everyone or we go somewhere remote. But then we'll have to go right now?'

His eyes flashed golden and Jocelyn couldn't repress an anxious moan.

Sh glanced around. She'd noticed the crowd giving her disdainful looks before but now they were most definitely throwing daggers.

She kissed him again now that she had more oxygen in her lungs. She made a show of it, pushing her body flush against his. She was tugging on soft thick strands of hair. Tongue teasing his.

Luke melted under her touch. He didn't completely smell as she remembered. There was no coffee smell. Nor the smell of old books or deodorant.

His eyes were fully golden when she backed away.

'Let's.'

Hands entwined, he led her away. They went past Ragnor Fell's house. They felt giddy like teenagers for hiding in the woods but when he finally scooped her up and laid her down there was no innocence in the looks they gave each other.

Seventeen years to late they started removing each other's clothing.

Luke wasn't slim or golden like Valentine but a beautiful contrast of creamy skin and dark hair. His body was void of marks but decorated with scars her fingers traced slowly. It was the part of his life she had never been involved in. All these had been from battles he had had to fight all alone. A hint of abs from his weekly runs and moonly nights exhausting himself showed.

But Luke didn't leave her much time to examine anything. He'd never felt anyone's touch but his own and right now his skin was aflame. He needed this even more than he needed air.

Not that Jocelyn complained. His kisses felt absolutely heavenly to her though he claimed to be completely inexperienced save three unsuccessful dates.

Though she was the experienced one and should by all means guide, he was the one seated above her. He left her mouth and left a trail of kisses all over her neck and bare breasts.

She wasn't prepared for this today. She hadn't been prepared to get laid in years. Nobody had seen her body since Valentine yet she didn't feel ashamed or self-conscious when Luke looked at her.

It seemed he did know the essentials, managing successfully to guide himself into her with a feral growl.

She gasped, wrapping her legs around his waist. It stung a bit after all these years and not being completely ready to receive him yet. But it was no great discomfort. A discomfort that disappeared really quick while he was nibbling her neck.

Finally, he started moving. Slowly and hesitant. He didn't trust himself completely. He felt he should know more. Did she need more or did she like it gentle? Was the wolf gonna come out if he let himself go too much?

Jocelyn rocked her hips to his. His eyes fluttered close. She lowered him so that their bodies had more contact. He was leaning on his underarms, fingers clutching strands of vibrant red hair while she clung on to him.

It wasn't glamorous. And it was far from good. It was needy, desperate and the result of twenty years' worth of emotions released all at once.

Tears flowed and were kissed away just as quickly, angry kisses left bruises on their skins, hair was tugged and nails drew blood.  
It was primal and glorious and though they didn't last long the first time. They sure did take their time to enjoy the other the fourth time until they collapsed next to each other.

Neither of them wanted to ruin the perfect silence which was only perturbed by the birds, but finally, it was Luke who broke it.

'We should go back for the party. Clary will wonder where we are.'

'You don't give her enough credit. She's smart enough to add two and two.'

He had the decency to blush.

'However,' she continued while removing some leaves from his hair, ' it wouldn't be too bad to have a shower or a bath. It's getting chilly and we're dirty.'

'Together?'

She grinned. 'If you think I'm letting you go anytime soon even if it's for things like a shower, Lucian Greymark, you are mistaken.'


End file.
